Why is it that after a BA in English, an MA in English, and half a Law degree, I still have such a hard time writing essays? It’s not just the usual procrastination, worrying about topic and focus, incomplete research, etc. I am terrified of writing. There’s such a breach between the chaos of thought and reduction into words, sentences, paragraphs. So much is lost. Actually, I’m sure nothing is lost: an idea that can’t be articulated was never an idea, probably just the feeling of having an idea hovering just beyond reach. I think I have a lazy mind. I just wish I didn’t keep entering degree programs that involve so much writing. I’m trying to write about indeterminacy, but I keep panicking then giving up…it all seems so… fucking… indeterminate.