It's bad enough I haven't been able to get a book published; now I have to turn down invitations to read in Canada Council sponsored reading series because I'm not a "professional author." Whatever. My earnings this year alone from writing poetry will amount to well over $500. That's almost a month's rent! Come on.

Why does the Canada Council draw such arbitrary lines? Like it matters if some publisher puts out 700 copies of my manuscript and a few Chapters in urban areas store a couple copies for a year or so before they're remaindered. My readings would not attract any more or less people. Arts communities are not marketplaces. There's no more value in a professional than in an amateur poet; the distinction is absurd.

I'd like to completely reject the Canada Council's bourgeois value system that valorizes capitalist production. But I'm steeped in the same value system. Publication is the only measure of success. Awards confer worth. Reading series are sullied by unpublished amateurs. The suburbs are a great place to grow up.